Oh, the questions.

Here's some lovely questions mechanics receive. Blatantly stupid or extremely vague, they're whoppers. I present the questions and the responses I would give if they weren't customers. Or if I had a few beers in me.

"I have a Dodge Dakota and until yesterday it worked perfectly. I went shopping and the station, but since I had no battery. They helped me handing me another battery power. I get to my house. From today does not work, only to hear a martilleteo on (I think it\'s motor starting) and I can not do from the truck.Do not want to take it to a shop because I am female and know nothing about cars and I can cheat"

-Nothing wrong with this question. It's just a hilarious auto translation.

"Problem with the 1987 Chevrolet S-10 Pickup. was driving out of nowhere truck engine stopped but all lights stayed on, and the "check gages" light came on, this light has never come on before. i changee the starter , coil, and the moduale. please help!"

- Why do they always go for the battery, starter or alternator first? If the fucking engine shut off, why would you replace the starter? If the starter cranks the engine, fucking leave it alone. That's the starters only job. Turning the engine.

"replacement of fuel filter"

- That's it. No make, model, year or engine. My response would be "Remove old filter. Install new filter. Check for leaks." Bone head.

"Replace spark plugs for 2000 cavalier"

- That's all there was. Is it a statement or a question? I would just love to watch this person attempt the job. Seeing their reaction when the plug wires break because they haven't been changed since Christ was a corporal, stripping the threads in the cylinder head, not gapping the plugs before installation...

"Lights in dash and radio are blinking - why?"

- There's a rave going on. Weren't you invited?

"smells like something is burning"

- Carry a fire bottle.

"I have 86 Mercedes I rebuilt the top end and got it running drove it about twenty miles thy day it was done then the next day I try to start it and it trued to turn then it started click in when turn it over the belts try to turn it over then nothing but click could it be my timing or could it be the starter"

- Punctuation, motherfucker! Punctuation! Again, is this a question or a statement? I'm guessing the dipshit got his valve timing wrong and it's an interference fit engine (meaning the valves and pistons get together when valve timing isn't 100%) and has a shit load of bent valves. That's an expensive lesson.

"need a fuel tank diagram for a 1998 chevy/geo tracker 1.6 liter 2 door"

-Seriously? It's a tank. It holds liquid.

"my van keeps shutting off"

- It's supposed to do that when you turn the key off. Don't want the engine running 24/7.

"I have a 95 Caprice Wagon and can\'t get the key into the ignition. What\'s going on?"

- Try using the right key.

"how to change a timing chain in a 1971 buick skylark 350 "

- Easy. Remove the old timing chain and gears, install the new chain and gears. Road test.

"key wont turn in ignition"

- Wrong key or wrong car.

Get off your high horse, pal

Having read some article comments on Yahoo regarding the current nuclear problem in Japan, I present this little gem. And I quote...

" I guess they simply chose to look pass the fact that Japan attacked military instillations and the US nuked cities with civilian women and children. It sickens me that human beings can be so petty and ignorant as such. It just confirms to me the thought that man will eventually be the cause of our own demise simply because we cannot get our heads out of our own asses long enough to come together for the sake of humanity and this planet."

What Mr. High and Mighty here doesn't realize, aside from the fact that his spelling is atrocious, is that Japan was as bad as Germany in WWII. If not worse. Japan slaughtered millions of Chinese civilians during the war and made no effort to treat POWs humanely. It has nothing to do with revenge for Pearl Harbor. Japan had been on a rampage since the mid 1930s. As for the bombing of German and Japanese cities by the USAF and USN I'll paraphrase from the book "The Wrong Stuff" by Truman Smith. "You don't win wars by being the good guy. You win wars by being worse than your enemy." If German and Japan had had the industrial capability to bomb the hell out of the US, they would have done it. Wars are brutal.

I also need to comment on this gentleman's little ditty about "the US nuked cities with civilian women and children..." Further evidence that he doesn't know his WWII history. The atomic bomb was devastating to be sure, but the destruction wrought by "Fat Man" and "Little Boy" pale in comparison to what General LeMay was doing to Japanese cities. People tend to forget that B-29s had been in service in the Pacific theater long before the atomic bombs were considered. Conventional bombing showed mediocre results, so they switched... to incendiary bombs. Japanese cities were mainly built of wood and paper. You do the math. One fire bombing mission created as much destruction (a little more in some cases) as one atomic bomb. Firebombing didn't happen just once or twice, the USAF was doing this nightly. The firebombing of Dresden is considered one of the most horrific things done by the allies, but Dresden was a mere flickering candle to what was being done to Japanese cities.

OK, so I'm wandering off topic. Have any of you expected anything different from me? The quote I posted in the beginning of this post is but one example of something that really pisses me off. The cause is mainly shitty education in the school system when you get right down to it. Any bleach blond bar slut will be able to tell you who Hitler is. Ask that lovely lady why Hitler was a bad person and you'll receive a three letter response at best. "He killed Jews!" Ask this belle how Hitler managed to get into power and you'll get a blank stare. They probably wouldn't even be able to tell you Hitler's first name. They know the important thing, that Hitler was an evil motherfucker, but they don't know how it all happened. Asking our little Tavern Princess why Japan wanted to take over the Pacific would be an exercise in futility and lead to you becoming an asshole. Trust me, it happened to me once.