19 March, 2011

Oh, the questions.

Here's some lovely questions mechanics receive. Blatantly stupid or extremely vague, they're whoppers. I present the questions and the responses I would give if they weren't customers. Or if I had a few beers in me.

"I have a Dodge Dakota and until yesterday it worked perfectly. I went shopping and the station, but since I had no battery. They helped me handing me another battery power. I get to my house. From today does not work, only to hear a martilleteo on (I think it\'s motor starting) and I can not do from the truck.Do not want to take it to a shop because I am female and know nothing about cars and I can cheat"

-Nothing wrong with this question. It's just a hilarious auto translation.

"Problem with the 1987 Chevrolet S-10 Pickup. was driving out of nowhere truck engine stopped but all lights stayed on, and the "check gages" light came on, this light has never come on before. i changee the starter , coil, and the moduale. please help!"

- Why do they always go for the battery, starter or alternator first? If the fucking engine shut off, why would you replace the starter? If the starter cranks the engine, fucking leave it alone. That's the starters only job. Turning the engine.

"replacement of fuel filter"

- That's it. No make, model, year or engine. My response would be "Remove old filter. Install new filter. Check for leaks." Bone head.

"Replace spark plugs for 2000 cavalier"

- That's all there was. Is it a statement or a question? I would just love to watch this person attempt the job. Seeing their reaction when the plug wires break because they haven't been changed since Christ was a corporal, stripping the threads in the cylinder head, not gapping the plugs before installation...

"Lights in dash and radio are blinking - why?"

- There's a rave going on. Weren't you invited?

"smells like something is burning"

- Carry a fire bottle.

"I have 86 Mercedes I rebuilt the top end and got it running drove it about twenty miles thy day it was done then the next day I try to start it and it trued to turn then it started click in when turn it over the belts try to turn it over then nothing but click could it be my timing or could it be the starter"

- Punctuation, motherfucker! Punctuation! Again, is this a question or a statement? I'm guessing the dipshit got his valve timing wrong and it's an interference fit engine (meaning the valves and pistons get together when valve timing isn't 100%) and has a shit load of bent valves. That's an expensive lesson.

"need a fuel tank diagram for a 1998 chevy/geo tracker 1.6 liter 2 door"

-Seriously? It's a tank. It holds liquid.

"my van keeps shutting off"

- It's supposed to do that when you turn the key off. Don't want the engine running 24/7.

"I have a 95 Caprice Wagon and can\'t get the key into the ignition. What\'s going on?"

- Try using the right key.

"how to change a timing chain in a 1971 buick skylark 350 "

- Easy. Remove the old timing chain and gears, install the new chain and gears. Road test.

"key wont turn in ignition"

- Wrong key or wrong car.

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