Why I Don't Have Kids

I'm in my 40s, alone and have no children.  Society would seem to think that I'm weird.  Not so.  There are a few reasons that there aren't any "mini mes" in the world.  First, I'm too selfish.  Second, I there is nothing more irritating to me than the screams of a baby.  Lastly, I'm dysfunctional as a human.  Oh, and if I had a daughter, I would spoil her so much that any male she met would never compare to "Daddy".  Much to the detriment of any potential suitors. 

Though I don't have any offspring, I love my two nieces and four nephews to death.  I would do anything for them.  Specifically my youngest niece and nephew, who are brother and sister.  I don't favor those two for any specific reason other than I've become a better person during their, up to now, lifetimes.  My youngest niece, Gwen, mentioned to my Mom that she would like to have a certain doll cabinet from the American Girl catalog.  Well, Uncle Sling, being a woodworker, said "Heck, I can make that for you.  It will last a lot longer too!"  So I built Gwen a doll cabinet exactly as she wanted.  Well, almost.  She wanted it to be all pink and I couldn't bring myself to do that.  I went full-bore into that project and the joy I saw in Gwen's eyes was all the payment I needed.  Then her brother, Owen, made some mention of his interest in some of my woodworking.  Again, I went overboard and made something for him.  My intention was to build a toolbox and have the family purchase some tools to put in that toolbox.  A group Christmas present if you will.  That plan mostly came to fruition.  I built the toolbox and put some basic tools into it.  Owen is a rather reserved person and didn't exactly jump for joy when I presented him with his toolbox.  I knew that going in.  That was almost two years ago.  His Dad, my brother, has been living out of state for some years pursuing his goal of a decent pension for his family.  Therefore, Owen has taken on some responsibilities as "man of the house".  When my Mom moved into her current home I tasked Owen with lawn mowing duties.  I don't think he was too thrilled with the idea, but he took it as his duty.  I had over twenty years of lawn mowing duty.  It was time to pass it on.  Owen even gets paid for it.  I'm proud of him for that but what really impressed me was something he did this summer.  I heard from my Mom that Owen had taken his toolbox out to the yard to "fix the shed".  I have no clue what he did but I'm proud of him for doing what he though needed to be done.  And with the toolbox and tools I gave to him as a Christmas gift.  It makes me swell up with pride.  Owen and his Brother, Chad (I'll talk about Chad later) have have taken on responsibility of "men of the house" and have excelled at it.  I'm not being sexist mind you, it's just how it is.  I'm going to have a toolbox filled with tools for every one of my nieces and nephews.  The plan is to present them with their toolboxes (except for Owen who already has his) when they get their first home.  In the (hopefully) unlikely event that I expire before they have their first homes, I'll already have those toolboxes made and filled.  It's a bit morose perhaps, but I'm being realistic. 

Though I'm a different person now than I was twenty years ago, I don't regret my decision to not have children.  One of me is enough.  I'm chock full of bad habits and anxiety that I don't think should be continued.  If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll have noticed that I'm not exactly capable of the simple act of maintaining a relationship with a woman.  I would, these days at least, like to think that I could be a good father, but I'm much too old.  It wouldn't be fair to the child to have such a short time with their father.  Although I would make the most of my time with them and, as previously mentioned, spoil the hell out of a daughter.  There's a hint of regret but, overall, I still feel I've made the right choice.